Why I Talk About Life After Hijrah

I think realizing that life after hijrah was something women needed more help with was really a combination of things. It happened over time through my own experiences, everything hijrah required from me, and having to make these adjustments so many times.

By the will of Allah, I’ve built a stronger mental and spiritual fortitude over the course of my life, and a lot of that was built through hijrah. Hijrah has demanded a lot from me. It has challenged me, stretched me, taught me a lot about myself, and really tested the things that are very easy to talk about when everything is going well: sabr, tawakkul, trusting Allah, and remembering why you’re doing something in the first place.

And I learned this especially when going from the U.S. to Egypt!

Egypt was the biggest adjustment because that was my very first I don’t live in the States anymore experience. Going from Egypt to Saudi was different. Saudi to Morocco was different. I'd already lived outside the U.S. by then. I'd already learned what it was like to have to figure out a completely different country.

But Egypt? That was the first one!

That was the first time I had to realize, okay, this is my life now. I have to figure out how things work here. How to shop, how to get around, what I can find, what I can’t find, how to communicate, how to find sisters, all of it.

One of the hardest times during my hijrah was when I gave birth in Madinah.

I was there without my family. My husband was there, alhamdulillah, but for the actual birth I was by myself, and then he was able to be there afterward (hospital logistics, story for another time lol). When we went home from the hospital, it was extremely hard. I was recovering postpartum from a fourth-degree tear and episiotomy, dealing with excruciating sciatica, learning how to breastfeed, learning how to be a new mom, and taking care of a newborn pretty much by myself.

My husband was extremely busy working because we were in a very difficult financial situation. We had dealt with homelessness, and there were periods when we had almost no money, sometimes eating maybe once a day, if that, and eating whatever we could manage to get.

Alhamdulillah, Allah sent people who housed us and fed us when they were able (they were struggling too. May Allah accept our efforts and facilitate our affairs, Ameen). We had somewhere to stay, but we didn’t have our own home, and there was a lot happening during that point in time.

And my family wasn’t there.

I could call them. I could text them. They told me they were making du‘aa for me, and they wished they could help me.

But there’s only so much you can do from thousands of miles away. 💔

SubhanAllah, that really taught me about going through major parts of your life without the people who would typically be right there goin through it with you.

And these were the very people I had known all my life, the very people whose comfort and love I had sacrificed for Allah’s sake, and the very people who would give and do anything to be there with me.

And that is only one aspect of my hijrah.

I’ve struggled with making friendships, navigating language barriers, adjusting to motherhood, finding a routine, and learning how completely different countries work.

All at the exact same time.

I know sometimes people say, “Just have sabr,” and it can sound like such a simple sentence, and sometimes we can even get annoyed when we hear it, astaghfirullah. It sounds so obvious. Like, okay, yeah. I know that, but what is actually going to help me here?

And I COMPLETELY get that because that was me, too! But I will always, always stress tawakkul and sabr because I have genuinely had to learn the reality of what happens when you don’t.

I came to this realization during one of the most difficult trials of my life. And SubhanAllah, when I came across these ayaat, it literally felt like they were addressing the exact thoughts I was having:

“Do people think that they will be left alone because they say: ‘We believe,’ and will not be tested. And We indeed tested those who were before them. And Allâh will certainly make (it) known (the truth of) those who are true, and will certainly make (it) known (the falsehood of) those who are liars, (although Allâh knows all that before putting them to test).”

Surat Al-‘Ankabut 29:2–3

There were times when I really had to ask myself: How can I expect to call myself a believer, say that I love Allah, say I’m doing this for His sake, and then expect that I won’t also be trialed or challenged?

All of these experiences are a huge part of why I care so much about discussing and sharing the realities of life after hijrah. There is already a lot out there, alhamdulillah, about making hijrah. Why we make it. The virtues of hijrah. How to prepare. How to get there.

But what about once the plane lands and the bags are unpacked?

That’s where my mind goes: to the sister who has already made hijrah. She’s there now. What about her?

What about the sister who misses her mother so badly it physically hurts some days?

What about the sister who thought she would have community almost immediately and now feels lonely?

What about the mother whose children are also trying to adjust?

What about the sister who barely speaks the language and has no idea how anything works yet?

What about the woman who absolutely wanted hijrah, still wants hijrah, is grateful to Allah for hijrah, and is also having a really hard time?

That is the sister I keep thinking about, because that sister was me.

I want you to know that you can be grateful to Allah that He allowed you to make hijrah and still find parts of it extremely difficult. ❤︎

You can love being amongst the Muslims and still miss your family terribly. ❤︎

You can know exactly why you left and still have days where you think, SubhanAllah, this is too much. ❤︎

And I want to use what I’ve learned to help other sisters through those realities because, habeebah, we are human. We have thoughts, feelings, and we are complex beings. These are normal things to experience, and I do not want you to feel guilty or ashamed for feeling this way.

I want Muhaajirah to be somewhere we can talk about the beauty of hijrah and the trials. The things that became easier and the things that took us a long time to figure out. The Islamic reminders that help us, the funny things, the things we miss, and the things we eventually grew to love. Community, motherhood, family, and getting accustomed to a completely different way of doing everyday life.

There is an entire life that comes after making hijrah, and I really think we deserve support as we learn how to make it our home too. ❤︎